Getting Back To You: Everything to Everybody

Men are often protectors of their families and the women they love. They love, carry, and protect the people in their lives while also shouldering the emotional stresses of family life. Their caring does not stop with their blood relatives—it often extends to their chosen family as well. To love, carry, and protect can bring both rewards and suffering.

Many times, we do not appreciate or acknowledge a man’s sacrifice. It becomes invisible, or some may consider it less important than the sacrifices made by women. But the capacity for caring is not gender-defined; it is heart-defined. It is a character trait—an attribute that both men and women can possess.

Yet some men are noticed mainly when mistakes are made, poor choices happen, or their perceived “lack” becomes the center of conversation. Too often, a man is celebrated only for the money he has or the financial help he can provide.

Some men are minimized when their manhood is defined by what they can afford—how much they earn, how much they save, or the size of their paycheck. Yet while carrying their own emotional burdens, they still try to figure out how they can help the ones they love.

I am not talking about every man. I am talking about the men in our lives who love, carry, and protect. And let me say this: for those who do not, sometimes it is not because they are unwilling. At that particular time, they may simply be unable. The mind and heart may be willing, yet emotional, financial, or personal circumstances—or even the inability to communicate what they are feeling—may prevent them from being the man they desire to be.

For the man who gives his all and is rarely acknowledged—he gives even when he has very little left to give himself. He stays awake at night, tossing and turning, trying to solve problems while his wife or significant other sleeps peacefully. He smiles while his heart is breaking. He laughs in the middle of life’s most serious circumstances. He becomes so involved in helping everyone else that he slowly begins losing himself.

Then one day, he wakes up asking himself,

“Who am I?”

Sometimes it becomes so overwhelming that he may even wonder,

“Where am I?
I gave everyone 100% of me.
I’m left with -0%.

There may be no such mathematical thing as -0%, but there is when you have nothing left to give yourself and can’t figure out how to help yourself, yet somehow you find a way to help everyone else. -0% means you’re in the negative for yourself because you’ve stopped caring about your own life—or no longer know how to fulfill it—while living in the shadow of everyone else’s expectations. And to top it off, you’re drowning in life’s whirlpool... and no one cares.”

The people he has loved and supported may become silent when he finally asks for their support. In that moment, their silence becomes louder than their speaking voices.

The Man Nobody Sees

You find yourself surrounded by people you love. They notice your clothes, your shoes, your haircut, your new car, or the smile on your face, yet very few stop long enough to ask, “How are you really doing?” Sometimes you even answer honestly. You tell them you’re not feeling well, and they reply, “I hope you feel better,” but never stop to ask, “What can I do to help?”

The requests continue. Could you stop at the store? Could you take care of this? Could you help me with that? They may not intend to overlook what you’re carrying, but after years of always being the dependable one, you begin to feel unseen.

Even grown children may continue asking Dad for help without ever stopping to ask whether Dad needs help himself. Many fathers gladly give because they love deeply. But when generosity becomes expected instead of appreciated, love can slowly begin to feel like an obligation. That doesn’t necessarily make someone selfish. Sometimes people simply become accustomed to receiving without realizing how much someone else has been giving. And that hurts.

Becoming Invisible

How can someone made of flesh... someone people can touch... someone people can see... become so invisible?

I don’t believe most people do this intentionally. Many simply were never taught how to express appreciation, honor sacrifice, or communicate love in meaningful ways. Sometimes we become so focused on the tangible things people provide that we forget the intangible things they sacrifice. Yet those invisible sacrifices often carry the greatest value.

This is why we sometimes have to love people beyond their present capabilities. Sometimes we must lovingly teach the people we love that we matter, too—not through anger, not through bitterness, not through keeping score, but through honest, healthy communication.

Getting Back To You

This is why Getting Back To You is so important.

There comes a time when a man must stop and examine the terrain of his own life. When you have poured into everyone else—given your strength, your time, your energy, and your heart—you must eventually ask yourself,

“Have I forgotten me?”

People may continue seeing the strong façade while only you can feel your inner strength slowly melting away—drip by drip.

Find your place of peace. Find the place where you can become the person you need to be for yourself. Examine what will make you happy, what will bring you peace, what will help you feel fulfilled, and what will allow you to become as emotionally healthy as possible.

This is not about abandoning the people you love. It is not about becoming selfish. It is about pulling your life up to the gas pump and allowing yourself to refuel before your tank runs completely empty.

Write it down. Focus on it. Protect it.

Sometimes you have to do some life math—determine what needs to be added, what needs to be subtracted, and what needs to change.

Then begin...

GETTING BACK TO YOU

Let’s Talk

Every day we need to say to ourselves, “I matter.” Then keep repeating it throughout the day. There is nothing wrong with valuing yourself. I am not talking about superficial stuff like, “I look good.” I’m talking about a life-sustaining recipe that reminds us every day to add the ingredient of love to our own lives.

That is why I wrote Getting Back To You. Not simply as an eCard, but as a wonderful opportunity to begin a conversation that many men have quietly needed for years.

“I see you.”

“You are valued.”

“Hey... no matter what... don’t forget to take care of yourself.”

If, in this moment, you know a male friend, husband, pastor, father, brother, grandfather, or another man who needs to take a moment to find his center, go to www.usaycards.com and send him the eCard Getting Back To You. When you send this eCard, he’ll know you love him. If no one else says it... you care. If no one else shows it... you appreciate him.

After all, isn’t that what we all need—someone to take a moment out of their day to extend love to us?

And maybe... today... he needs to hear it from you.

If you’re not sure how to say it, let USay Cards help. Discover other relationship communication tools designed to strengthen the relationships that matter most.

  

Every USay Card, Audio Article, and blog is personally written by Lisa Banks from real-life experiences, relationships, faith, family, and heartfelt conversations. AI is not used to write the card messages, Audio Articles, or blogs.